Have you heard the saying, “You are the five people you hang out with?” There is a lot of truth to that, so when you allow toxic relationships to impact your life and well-being, you’re not going to be your best or most confident self. In today’s episode, I’m highlighting the impact that toxic relationships can have on your life, how to identify them, and when to decide it’s time to let them go.

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It’s Time to Let Go of Toxic Relationships

Toxic relationships come in all forms and can happen in any situation. Consider the following types of relationships and how they can be toxic:

• Relationships with friends
• Relationships at work
• The relationship with your job
• Family relationships
• Romantic relationships
• Social media apps

While it can be easier to just live with these relationships than to face them, they might be bringing you down in ways you don’t realize. Are they making you less confident? Are they closing opportunities for you? While change is hard, sometimes it’s needed.

Letting go of toxic relationships may be difficult, but it’s essential for you and the well-being of your family.

How to Recognize Toxic Relationships

If you’re not sure what to call your relationship, but it’s leaning towards toxic, here is the number one way to identify a toxic relationship:

If the relationship is emotionally draining and has negative effect on your wellbeing.

A great habit to start is journaling through the emotions to recognize how you feel. This is something I’ve started to do in order to reflect on both my emotions and my ongoing wellbeing.

Setting Boundaries in Your Relationships

One of the most powerful ways to correct toxic relationships that you’re not ready to get rid of is through setting boundaries. Maybe it’s a family member that you don’t get along with or a client that texts you through all hours of the night—in either case, you have the opportunity to take control of setting boundaries.

Making the Decision to Let Go of a Toxic Relationship

If you’re thinking about letting go of a toxic relationship, I highly recommend you seek support through a family member you trust, a biblical counselor, a licensed therapist, or a trusted friend (but keep it clean and don’t gossip).

Next, if it’s a personal relationship, go to that person and have a conversation with them. It’s important to try to resolve the issue, but if it can’t be then you know it’s time to let go.

Key Moments:

:30 – Letting Go of Toxic Relationships

3:01 – Recognizing Toxic Relationships

6:38 – Setting Boundaries

8:48 – Making the Decision to Let Go of a Toxic Relationship

15:00 – Choosing Your People

Mentioned in this Episode

Find Your People

Review the Transcript:

Hello. Hello. Welcome back. This is going to be a challenging episode because it’s just going to be hard to talk about because at any point in your life, you will have a moment where you feel like you’re in a certain toxic relationship. So this doesn’t have to just be about friends. We’ve all had those high school boyfriends that we just knew were not good that we needed to let go.

But sometimes Toxic relationships even mean, like, the one you have at work. Maybe your work relationship’s toxic. Maybe the relationship you have with your phone is toxic. Okay, so this could apply to so many things in your life that you just need to let go. Period. Okay, we just got to let them go. So I’m gonna go over all my tips.

You know, maybe it’s a friendship that Just isn’t life giving or drawing you closer to the Lord or helping you hit your goals. So what about you know Relationships that make you feel less confident about yourself. I even know just sometimes For me personally, opportunities that just get slammed in my face.

And I’m like, why? Why am I not good enough? Why are you ignoring my email or my pitch? Like, why is this not working? But when God slams a door or an opportunity down, he says, hey, this toxic relationship It’s just not for you. Like I have bigger plans for you and your life, but at the time you’re just like, oh man, this is so sad because Change is hard And you’ve devoted a lot of time to this person.

So it’s just hard But God is always protecting you. So today let’s dive into what, when, like, what are the signs of when it’s time to let go, how to let go and what it feels like being on the other side of letting something go. So as a mother and wife, this is so important because letting these relationships go, Can be difficult, but they’re also essential for you and the well being of your family.

So sometimes relationships affect your family that you don’t think. I know for sure for me is like a job that just was not good. I needed to let it go. So the first thing you need to do is to recognize how toxic it actually is. Sometimes in the moment, you just don’t even think about this, but here’s some like tall tale signs that it.

Um, if the relationship is emotionally draining, watch your energy level when you’re with that person. As an extremely empathetic person, I can absorb all the energy around me. And I have this friend, she knows who she is, but, She always makes me feel like sunshine. I tell her only you always make me feel like sunshine.

And so I absorb her energy, right? Like she is a life giving draws me to the Lord type of relationship. And I know that sounds cheesy, but when I am done hanging out with her, I feel refreshed. I feel happy. I can trust her. So also like, think about this with your work is your work emotionally draining.

And I know that most of us Most of us have to work for a living. Times are hard. Everything’s expensive. Most of us have to work. So, you know, think about your 9 to 5. Is it time to start looking for something else? Are you constantly stressed out about your job? Are you not feeling happy in the morning?

Are you being stressed out on Sunday night? Like, are you not wanting to go to work? There’s a healthy amount of stress. I don’t like the word stress. I say funny things like this. I’m like, I don’t do stress or I don’t do guilt. That’s like my new thing I’ll say to people. I’m like the mom guilt thing.

I’m like, yeah, I don’t do that. And I don’t like the word stress. I like to use stress as. Let’s say I’m about to go on, , a news broadcasting or in front of an audience or something like that. I like to say excitement instead of stress. So in that moment, that’s more excitement type of stress. But there’s a healthy amount, like there’s some that you need to make sure you’re getting your deadlines done and things.

And then there’s just an unhealthy amount. There’s just an unhealthy amount, okay? And you know, you know when you’re there at that unhealthy. Amount, right? So is the relationship having a negative impact on you and your well being and your mental health and Sometimes you gotta get on a list and you just gotta write down like okay This is how this relationship is life giving and helping me and this is how it’s not This could even be with an app on your phone.

Okay, like for me It can be social media apps, like, is this life giving? Is this helping me? So really journaling can help with this. If you’re, you know, one thing can be like mood tracking. If you track your mood every day, then you can see like, Oh, I hung out with this person or I was doing this project or doing this thing at those times.

So look at the moments when you’re happy in the moments when you’re sad. And sometimes it’s. Good to just recognize what’s going on, what’s happening. There are just some relationships you can’t let go of. And I know what you’re thinking. Wait, the whole point of this podcast, is to let go of things. But I think this one really, really applies to family.

And I’m not talking about like your immediate. Family, which it could be in some cases, but typically like, you know, out like extended family. Okay, like, you can’t just not go to Christmas because you don’t get along with your uncle and I’m not saying I don’t get along with my uncle. I, I get along perfect with all my uncles actually, um, but I’m just using that as an example.

So you see picture perfect families on Instagram. That is so fake. Literally every family has it. I, because we’re all humans. Like, we all have our issues. Definitely. So there’s always, sometimes there’s gonna be someone in your family that might just stress you out or, You leave that family function and you’re just not your happiest self.

The best thing is to set boundaries with that family member, which is so difficult and hard, but you know, you have to have those difficult conversations. Having difficult conversations can be painful, but it’s always greater and brighter on the other side of it. And just be clear and tell them what you want and tell them what you no longer tolerate.

So this can even apply for me. Or for you with like a client, um, of just saying, Hey, I don’t answer my phone from 5 to 9 p. m. I don’t. I don’t answer my phone from 5 to 9 p. m. Okay? That is my family time. But what you can say is, Hi, I would, you know, absolutely love to help you. But right now, I’m with my family and typically I’m with my family from 5 to 9.

But I would absolutely love to help you between the hours of 8 to 5. So delivery is everything, let them know, like, meet them where they’re at, tell them, understand, like, this is super urgent for you right now, but, you know. I can’t, I just can’t. And you have to do that for your mental health. And I know it’s scary.

It’s definitely scary. But I haven’t seen, I really haven’t seen people just not want to work with me. If anything, I think, I feel like it’s a level of respect and people are like, wow, she really values her family. I mean, or they’re like, wow, I should be doing that too. I should be setting that boundary too.

Hustle culture is an issue right now. We’re all just hustling way too hard. But my favorite quote, if you’re having trouble with this, is Your emergency is not my urgency. Like, just because you’re in a rush and you need something Stat doesn’t mean I have to be urgent for you. It’s just so good.

And it’s so true. And I’ve heard that once and I’ve, it’s always stuck with me. Also like, are there certain apps that you need to set boundaries with? Right. So like for me, I can’t just quit posting on social media apps. That’s where my business is. It helps promote my business. And there’s so many wonderful things about it.

But I can set boundaries with that. If you’re thinking about letting your relationship go, first try and seek support. Maybe this is a family member you trust. Obviously, I’m going to point you to a biblical counselor. There’s some biblical counselors at my church. Send me a DM if you need help and access with that.

I’ll help you with that. And it is free. It’s something that the church provides, which is absolutely wonderful. But obviously I’m going to point you to a licensed therapist. So the first thing my therapist helped me with was letting go of toxic relationships or setting boundaries with the relationships I have in such a positive way.

And that’s just one thing that therapy has helped with. Truly so much is toxic relationships. Like being able to identify it, how to handle it, what to say, all the things, it helps you with all of your relationships, whether they’re toxic or not, just helping you. Kind of see it from the other side because that person’s just so unbiased Like they don’t even know the person that you have a toxic relationship with so they can really really help you I think I really want to start by saying you never want to talk negative about someone So maybe you need to go to a trusted friend about the situation You just don’t want to gossip.

It just it never works out When I vent to a friend, well for one you don’t want to like If it’s a trusted friend, you know that most of the time you don’t call to vent about someone else, but you just don’t want to talk negative about someone. You don’t want to put that person in a weird spot and you don’t want to gossip.

I just, I never feel good about, I mean, that’s just my goal. I don’t talk negative about people, but you know, reach out to him and say, hi, my intentions are definitely not to gossip. I’m just having a really hard time with this relationship. so can you help me? You know, I don’t know what to do on what to say how to let go So reach out to a trusted friend I’ve even reached out to a friend before and said a really trusted friend and said hey this situation bothered me Should I bring it to this person and like be confident not confrontational?

But you know should I say something to them on how I hurt my feelings or should I let this go because I feel hurt By this situation is there like Were they trying to hurt me or, but, but we really know this person. We know their intentions are always good. So, you know, that is one way that you can do that.

But here’s the thing, like you always want to try to go to that person. Before you really let them go and you always want to try to have those difficult conversations with them first and allow them to improve themselves. Sometimes we hurt people’s feelings and we just don’t know that we’re doing that.

I know I’ve probably heard a lot of people’s feelings, but I’m not perfect. You’re not perfect. I’m not perfect. No one’s perfect. You shouldn’t expect perfection out of your relationships because that’s just not going to happen. Um, but always try to go to that person. And set the boundary and try to fix it.

If it’s just like a one off situation, you know, if, if you go to that person and tell them what they’re doing to hurt your feelings, and then they’re continuing to do that, that’s when we’re getting into a little bit of, you know, this isn’t good for, for me. So it’s time to let that person go, or it’s time to let the job go, or it’s time for you to let go the social media app, right?

So there’s so, this could apply to so many things. I feel like the title could’ve just been, you know, letting go. Letting go of things that aren’t helping us feel confident. So, what do we do? We just distance ourselves, okay? No one is owed an explanation, unfortunately. I laugh so hard when people send people messages and say, Yeah, you got an unfollow from me.

Honey, you don’t have to tell anybody. Just go on, like, Just, just leave. If you don’t want to follow me, You don’t have to tell me that you’re going to unfollow me. You just gotta go. Distance yourself, right? Sometimes we need to do that, speaking of which, sometimes we really need to unfollow and mute accounts that are not serving us, that are toxic.

That could be a whole episode in itself, but we just distance ourself. Right? So you tried, you set that boundary with that relationship or that situation. You’ve had the difficult conversations, maybe even you went to your. And you’re like, Hey, like, I’m just, I’m just overwhelmed right now. Like, I’m really not feeling this.

I’m really not excited. Like, can you help me? You know, I know that’s scary. Like I, I’ve done it. Okay. So it’s very, very scary. I know before I quit a job once that I did tell them. Hey, like I, I need some help on getting, and they did, they did help me, which was absolutely amazing. And it was so scary. Okay.

So I’m not going to put it past that. But sometimes when we go through painful things, there’s beauty on the other side of that. Like that’s where our confidence is. That’s where the growth pains are. So if it’s time, you just need to distance yourself, you just start distance yourself. Maybe you put your phone in your drawer because you don’t want to be on that social media app.

Maybe you go part time at your job, or maybe you put your two weeks in, unfortunately, or you just quit trying to hang out with that friend. You break up with that guy. You know, but breakups are hard. It’s going to hurt. It’s going to sting. You’re going to cry, maybe. I mean, when I put in my two weeks, it was, Whoa, it was rough.

When I broke up that college boyfriend, that was very, very toxic. It hurts. Like those things hurt. You’re going to eat some ice cream. But like, if I wouldn’t have broke up with that guy, I wouldn’t have met Chris. The most loving and the perfect, literally the, just like the perfect guy for me. So, so life giving is there with me in the good times and the bad.

So confident girls stay strong in their decision. Confident girls know it hurts now, but they’re going to come out stronger in the end and I know it hurts and like, I know it sucks and I have been in your shoes. But you are who you hang out with. You are the five people that you hang out with. I just went to a women’s conference last weekend and terribly cobble if you don’t.

Follow her or if you haven’t done the Bible recap, it’s absolutely amazing. And she said, you are the five people you hang out with. I hope one of those is your Bible. I hope one of those is God and that you’re getting to know him every day. And this is so true. So I love this analogy.

If you’re, if you’re standing on a chair, it’s easier for someone to pull you down than for you to pull someone up physically, it is, think about it. If you’re sitting on a chair. How much easier is that is it for that person to pull you down than is it for you to pull them up? Sometimes it’s just time to let go And now you know that you have let go now You are stronger and you can put that time and energy into healthy relationships or you can put yourself out there to find your people.

There’s also another really, really good book. It’s called Find Your People and it’s truly amazing. I read it one summer and I do feel like it, it helped me find. My closest, dearest friends. Right now, as far as relationships go, I am like so grateful and so happy for them. And they are so life giving.

They draw me to the Lord. Chris, my kids, my, you know, my parents, my in laws, my family. They have seen me at my worst. They lift me up every day. They listened to my podcast. They call me on my toes. They, I have a friend literally when my family is sick, she. Several friends. They bring food. They show up at the house with food.

I’m like, what is this? This is community. This is absolutely amazing because as women, we don’t want to say, hey, we need help with this or we’re struggling with this situation or can you bring us food? Nobody does that. Nobody, nobody. Admit to that. So, it has helped me find my people that are there for me, no matter what, that have seen me at my worst, and let me tell you too, guys, if somebody is there with you at your worst, like your lowest of your low, there is going to be times in life where you are low, and if someone is there for you at the lowest of the low, and they are still there, like I had this one friend, tell me, my best friend, and if you follow me, you know who she is.

You definitely know who she is. But I kept thinking, cause I’ve been in so many toxic friendships, I kept thinking she would go away, like she would leave, especially when I was really low and I was like, she was like, I remember one day she told me, she was like, I’m not going anywhere. Like, I’m literally not going anywhere.

I’m never going to leave you. Like, what a freaking friend that is, to say that, to like, reiterate that. So, we can go a couple weeks without talking, typically that doesn’t happen. But like, I know she’s always going to be there for, and that’s how your friendships should feel. And that’s how the people around you should feel.

And You know, you need people to help pray for you and worship with you and watch your kids when, when you need your, you know, when you need help and these people are so hard to find and you have to get through the bad apples to find the right ones. So don’t beat yourself up. If you have gone through a toxic relationship, don’t beat yourself up.

You have to let people go. It’s. Like we have to, I remember my dad said at my wedding, he was like, we were worried about Kelly. Like all the guys that she had to go through to find Chris. Right. But like, if I wouldn’t have gone through that and I wouldn’t have known like, okay, I don’t like being treated this way.

I don’t like being told how to dress. And I don’t like being told I can’t get my nails done. Like, absolutely not. It wouldn’t have made me the confident person I am. And. We can only do so many things alone. We need that those 5, you just need 5 people. Okay, and if you, which I’m so happy you’re here and if you stay listening to my podcast, I am one of your 5 people because I heard like, you’re the podcast and the people that you listen to the things you watch on social media.

That’s 1 of your 5 people and I’m happier here. I’m happy. I’m 1 of your 5 people. And I’m just happy you’re here listening. I’m just so happy about it. But I just want to give you that confidence and that courage to be okay with letting go and to You know work on yourself, and this is the only way you can do it And I know this episode is short, but hey, you know I just want to give you a good nugget something to take home something to Take notes with and to work on as we become our most confident selves.

And so I am, I love you. I’m so proud of you. And I can’t wait to see you in a couple of weeks back on a confident blonde podcast.